Respect is a major component of every relationship. Both the parties should respect each other mutually alone and around others.
If either of you does not respect each other, it births serious problems in the relationship. If your husband disrespects you, it means he sees you as less important than himself. He feels obliged to let you down, be dismissal from your feelings and needs. He puts himself first and treats you as a second.
Although this is a major red flag in a relationship. If you had overlooked it or your husband lost respect for you later into the marriage then you can turn things around and gain it back.
However, before I answer your question “why my husband does not respect me?” let us look at a few signs of a disrespectful husband to confirm that you are not assuming anything.
Signs of a disrespectful husband:
- They do not introduce you at gatherings or office parties
- They do not acknowledge your accomplishments
- They treat you as less important
- They control you in different ways
- They have no concern for your feelings
- They do not make time out for you or give you any time
- They always blame you for their mistakes
- They ignore your boundaries and limits
- They openly make fun of you in front of others
- They do not support you
If you believe you have identified more than two of the signs in your husband, then I am afraid to inform you he does not respect you enough.
The major reason why your husband does not respect is rarely your fault. Such disrespectful behavior is learned.
Below are four reasons why your husband does not respect you:
- You do all the housework
Just because you take care of the house does not mean your husband can disrespect you. This way he sees you as inferior or your servant who will provide to him 24/7.
It is the 21st century and times have changed. Involve your spouse in the housework. It is as much of his house as it is yours. Divide the chores between the two. This way you both will get things done quicker and have ample time to spend time together.
- Your career path is higher than his
This is a very common reason why husbands lose respect for their wives. Though this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the kind of mindset they have. When women have a higher-paying job than their partner, most men feel like their ego and masculinity are threatened.
They feel like since they are supposed to be the man of the house, their wife should earn less than them. They feel less dominated and insecure. Such behavior is fueled when others start cracking “house husband” jokes.
Such behavior is very toxic, and in order to put their wife down, the husband often starts degrading her and stops respecting her.
- Maybe he learned it from his father
Your parents are your first role models, and they teach you a lot. Often such behavior is learned from parents. If your husband’s father or mother held a troubled disrespecting behavior, then it is no surprise your husband picked on it.
In this scenario, there is not much you can do except to explain to your husband how his disrespecting you is very dehumanizing. He needs to change his attitude towards you in order to make the marriage work.
- He has other harsh traits
Often when a husband does not respect his wife, it is because of his other personality traits. If your husband overreacts to situations instead of responding to them then there are high chances, he will also disrespect you.
Maybe his overreacting behavior was encouraged by his parents or ex-partners but since you do not encourage it, he feels threatened and as a result, he will put you down.
Other toxic traits to look out for are manipulativeness and selfishness. If your husband possesses one or more of these qualities, then there is a high chance he will lose respect for you from time to time. In both cases, your husband thinks he can do whatever he wants without dealing with any consequences. He will blame you for everything, he will disregard your feelings and joke about you openly in front of your friends and family.
What can you do about it?
Whether your husband has initially started losing respect for you or it has been going on like this for a while. Either way, it is not too late to take a stand for yourself. The more you tolerate this harmful behavior of his, the more he feels like you are weak. This way your husband will continue disrespecting you.
You need to draw a line and not allow him to mistreat you. You are his equal in the relationship.
Respect is earned and can be learned. But in some cases, husbands disrespect their wives to show them who is the more dominant individual in the relationship. Such disrespecting behavior from your husband is very hurting, and it makes you feel like he hates you. You need to sit down and confront your husband. Inform him about how his behavior makes you feel unimportant.
Ask him to open up so you both can agree on a solution to end this.
If this does not solve the issue then there are other options available such as couples therapy and the last resort, ending the relationship.
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