How does it Feel to be Rejected by Someone you Love? – Understanding the Fear of Rejections and Recovering


While we have touched softer topics ranging from general health to beauty to wellbeing, however, what we are discussing today a tad-bit more complex. As it deals with the most compound and multiplex aspect of your life, the range of its impact is far broader as well. 

Have you ever just liked someone so much that you feel the chills and knots in the stomach when you even catch the tiniest glimpse of them? Does it give you butterflies? And if you have experienced these both, you definitely would have caught yourself at moments where you just want to blurt out how you feel about them without a second thought. 

What holds you back? Whether someone admits it or not, the scariest part about it is rejection. And maybe, even more than that, the thought that how would you put up with it. 

Unless you are there, in that very position, it is impossible to predict how exactly it would feel like. And maybe the unpredictability of it holds so many people back from expressing what is in their hearts. 

Are you in that position? Are you contemplating if you should say it or what for a more favorable moment? Or more importantly, are you wondering how would you feel when the answer is no? Well, we gathered some valuable facts for you. Some of them might be a little harsh, but you must be aware of it so that you can have a more realistic approach towards it and can take on it like a champion. 

Here are some aspects that you must be aware of, which will make you understand how it truly feels to be rejected and how one must handle it. Here, have a look.

Fear of rejection is actually a fear of ‘ostracization’

Winch, the author of Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt, and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries, says that since ancient times, man has been found to have a tribal nature. He craves a sense of acceptance and belonging. 

Rejection makes them feel alone.  They feel ostracized and as the rejection robs them off the feeling of protection and security. Winch believes that hence, since the beginning of humans themselves, they have formed a mechanism to avoid being in the situation of rejection, it is also a deep fear always buried in their hearts.

Humans are social animals. They crave validation and acceptance subconsciously. Hence shunning in the form of rejection makes the experience extremely emotionally taxing. While preparing yourself mentally for such an encounter, have a realistic approach. Whether short-lived or long-term, the impact will caste an impact on you on emotional grounds. There is no running away from it.

It hurts just as brutally as a physical wound – science says it:

Just as bad as physical wounds, where you can actually experience it as if a tangible part hurts, emotional wounds can be just as bad. Psychologists believe that there is a medical explanation of it as well. 

According to the experts, rejection triggers the same brain pathways identical to what one experiences while going through physical pain. The researches have shown that physical pain and social rejection – both speed and prompt the activity in the same region of the brain, which is the secondary somatosensory cortex and the dorsal posterior insula. 

The researchers also noticed that when they asked their subject to take a painkiller pill (Paracetamol) before narrating their heartbreak, they experienced comparative ease. The results convinced the psychologists that emotional pain and physical pain are hence correlated. 

You can relive and re-experience…and it’s okay.

Hard, but you must be prepared about it. When you think about an injury you once incurred, even if it hurt so bad at that moment, rethinking it must be a ‘meh’ moment. It would be more like a fainted memory which is just passively a part of your memory – unlike rejection and heartbreaks. 

Whenever you would think about them, it would bring in a flood of emotions. The ache might stay there which similar intensity. But always remember that it is very human. Give yourself some edge and cut yourself some slack. Do not go too hard on yourself. That pain right there speaks for the fact that you once experienced something that was so emotionally moving – and indeed it is a privilege. Recognize the significance while letting yourself feel it. 

While the impact it would have on your behavior cannot be neglected, it must be minimized so that you create a healthy environment around you where people who truly care about you can stay and thrive. Maintain your aura. I would ultimately help you heal. 

Low self-esteem can fuel it

While rejection is a private affair and would affect anyone and everyone, still people with low self-esteem are likely to be impacted more. As they already are in a state of conflict regarding their self-perception, a rejection can come as a huge blow. 

Here, you just know what to do! To numb the impact, you must first mend what is broken – yourself. Work on your insecurities and fears. Conquer them one by one. Accept and embrace yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin. Once you are taking care of all of these aspects, you would gradually feel uplifted out of the ditch of sorrow. 

It all comes down to this…….

It might temporarily feel that it is the end of the world. It may make you feel like you are at a place where no path leads forward. But it is mere an illusion. You would survive this. And when you do, you would look back and thank for the experience it gave you. Heartbreaks are challenging. They are difficult. But at the end of the day, they polish you in a way validation cannot. They make you comfort with discomfort and teach you to function even when every part of you aches. 

It passes like a kidney stone. It does get better. And life moves on.

Disclaimer: Content Research, Product Opinion & Publication Process

The articles, cosmetic tutorials, and beauty tips on SheBegan magazine are contributed by experienced fashion professionals, beauty & cosmetics experts. The team of our beauty and cosmetics professionals tests the products and then share the outcomes with proper citations and then after passing all the research & editorial checks; the content is sent live making sure there exists No Conflict of Interest. You can read about our authors, volunteers, team members and editorial board with our content review, product testing, tutorial guidance process here.

Zahira Bano

Zahira holds a Ph.D. in Cosmetics Surgery and Pharma. She worked with Mashable's and some other beauty, skincare, and wellness blogs. She is also a well-known researcher from Nanjing University of Science & Technology. She also writes on the female empowerment motivational topics in her leisure time.

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