Having a boyfriend who loves and cares for you both emotionally and physically will make any girl feel on top of the world. But the moment you start having an argument, and he keeps shutting you up, in all honesty, you may quickly ask, “Can my boyfriend tell me to shut up?” just to know if this is a normal attitude.
Frankly speaking, your boyfriend telling you to shut up is actually bad. No matter the circumstances surrounding why and how your boyfriend may choose to tell you to shut up, it is not okay. Although being asked to shut up by your boyfriend can be painful, you need to know the cause of this action, as it can be considered verbal abuse.
Read on and take a closer look at these various circumstances that can trigger this statement and what to do to stop this attitude if you can’t accept the statement anymore.
Why Does My Boyfriend Believe It’s Acceptable to Tell Me to Shut Up When We Have an Argument?
There are different reasons why your boyfriend can tell you to shut up, and I will discuss that now. Also, I am not saying your boyfriend telling you to shut up is right, but there might be some factors triggering it, and they include
- He is either abusive and trying to destroy your self-esteem, or
- Your relationship is dysfunctional, and his unacceptable behavior is a reaction to yours.
- He is accustomed to dysfunctional relationships (it’s possible that his parents interacted this way) and doesn’t know any better.
- You are hurting his ego with your words.
You must decide your own limits in either case. Some couples communicate this way, and they view it as acceptable or even normal. It’s up to you to make it clear if you don’t.
What Should I Say When My Boyfriend Tells Me to Shut Up?
The best answer is to fall immediately silent, showing no anger, and look away, then leave as if you have some moderately needful thing to do. If you can’t leave, then look at a screen. Checking email is the same as leaving the room.
Your silence can only be taken as compliance, and if everyone agrees in wishing you would shut up, you will provide universal relief. If others wish you would continue just hold up a hand and smile and say, “We can talk another time.”
You see, it really is true that “a soft answer turneth away wrath.” If you aren’t resisting, it’s hard for someone to push against you.
Is Telling Someone to Shut Up Verbal Abuse?
Verbal abuse is when someone repeatedly uses words to denigrate, terrify, or control another person. If your partner screams, yells, or orders you to “shut up,” this indicates verbal abuse. Being told to stop talking is not just rude.
Verbal abuse is frequently discussed in the context of romantic relationships or parent-child relationships. However, it can also happen in other familial relationships, social situations, or work. Abuse of the tongue and the heart has a cost. Physical abuse can also occasionally develop.
In her article “15 Signs of Verbal Abuse” for Psychology Today, Berit Brogaard, D.M., mentions “abusive anger” as a sign of verbal abuse.
How Do I Get My Boyfriend to Stop Yelling at Me to “Shut Up” When We Argue?
Nobody can be forced to do anything. By being as reasonable as you can be upfront, you can create the conditions for determining whether they will be as well. Therefore, you could begin by remaining silent, giving him time to gather his thoughts. Since he frequently needs one and then say something along the lines of;
“When we talked yesterday, you got to say some stuff, but you didn’t give me a chance to say anything back. “Can we schedule a time to talk about it and give each other some space to express our opinions?
You shouldn’t have to live with that, so you should start planning your exit as soon as possible. Determine whether you’ll need assistance, who can provide it, where you’ll go, how much money you’ll need, how to set up, etc., before leaving.
Since we all have a propensity to forget how angry we were and simply let everything slide, it helps to take notes (but keep them private). But unless everyone can talk openly about what’s wrong, nothing will improve.
Wrap Up
Depending on the situation, saying “shut up” may or may not be offensive. It can be offensive if your boyfriend tells you to shut up. It’s acceptable to say “shut up” in a casual conversation to express your doubt.
If you and your friend are joking around and say, “Shut up,” that is also acceptable if that is how you normally interact. But regardless of your own or the other party’s gender identity, interrupting someone trying to make a point and yelling “shut up” at them is rude.
