Being in a relationship where the connection has been lost or one that isn’t working might make someone take extreme decisions. Such as getting a new partner without leaving the relationship usually happen towards the end of a relationship.
Going into another relationship while still with your current partner to get a substitute before actually leaving your relationship is known as an overlapping relationship. Recently, I came across an email with the question “Does Overlapping Relationships Last?”
No, overlapping relationships don’t last, they are unhealthy supposed relationships that are built on lies and deceit. It means cheating on your partner, the new partner would feel “used” when they find out and probably break up with you.
Also, people have overlapping relationships with the hope of getting a substitute partner that covers up for the shortcomings in their relationships. But usually, when these expectations aren’t satisfied, they become disappointed which might lead to a failed relationship.
What this means is that an overlapping relationship rarely lasts, the “overlapper” usually ends up causing emotional harm to both victims (the old/new partners). There are several reasons why overlapping relationships always get ruined which we will discuss going further in this article.
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8 Reasons Why Overlapping Relationships Don’t Last
Overlappers are people who are afraid of being single, so they decide to remain in their “ending” relationship while dating others to get a substitute. This scheme is unhealthy and never works out, here are reasons why overlapping relationships don’t last;
1. High expectations
People usually go into overlapping relationships with high expectations for their new partners. Their current relationships are on the verge of ending and they would probably be expecting their new partner to cover up for all the shortcomings they encountered from their old partner.
Also, they never really communicate these expectations to the new partner but expect him/her to figure them out themselves. High expectations ruin relationships, overlappers would realize that their expectations are unachievable. This is one of the reasons why overlapping relationships don’t last.
2. Overlapping relationships are based on the wrong reasons
You entered the overlapping relationship for the wrong reasons. These reasons usually include not wanting to be alone when you break up your relationship. It desires to find a substitute for your partner and dishonesty. This means that you are not emotionally connected to the relationship and there’s no way such a relationship will last.
3. The relationship isn’t built on a healthy path
Another reason why overlapping relationships usually fail is that you are dating for their sake, not because you loved each other. You were probably in the relationship because you are scared of the idea of being alone, so you’d rather date anyone available.
There’s no way an overlapping relationship is going to last if you are in it because you don’t want to be single and not because you have feelings for your partner.
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4. Unresolved feelings from your relationship
Another reason why most overlapping relationships fail is based on unresolved feelings/issues from their ending relationship. These sorts of relationships end because the overlapper finds it difficult to move on.
Overlapping relationships happen when a person is afraid of being alone and decides to find a new relationship before ending their old relationship. The new partner passes off as a substitute or replacement for their old partner.
The problem with this sort of relationship is that the overlapping relationship is based on trial-and-error. The relationship might end when the overlapper’s assumption is proven false or if both parties realize there is no emotional attachment in the relationship.
So. to avoid such a pitiful situation, you’d need to ensure that you clearly end things with your old partner and have gotten over them completely before starting a new relationship.
5. If you were only trying to fill the emptiness in your life with a new relationship
Sometimes when you are on the verge of ending a relationship, especially one that causes both partners emotional traumas and pain. It results in loneliness and the creation of a void within the couple. In this case, people who are afraid of being alone try to quickly get a replacement to help fill that emptiness they feel.
However, the new partner is bound to not or barely fill that void because you haven’t set things straight with your old partner which could be taking a toll on your emotions. Also, the overlapper gets clingy to the new partner in an attempt to fill the void they feel, these can generate tension, and contribute to the ruining of the relationship.
6. Pressure to make the relationship work ruins it
Another reason why overlapping relationships fail is when there is a lot of pressure for the relationship to work. When people enter into an overlapping relationship, they often hope it works out so they can leave their old partner and focus on the new relationship.
This unnecessary pressure to make the relationship work can be stressful and might even lead to crises and arguments. Being pushy and persistent to make the relationship work ultimately ends up causing the failure of a relationship.
7. The overlapper still dwells on their old relationship
One of the main reasons why overlapping relationships don’t last is when the “overlapper” is uncertain about deciding to break up with their old partner even after finding a substitute, this is usually because they are still dwelling on their old relationship and have feelings for their partner.
There’s absolutely no way an overlapping relationship will last when the person is still fascinated by their ending relationship. They will end up comparing both partners and wonder if it is the right choice to leave their current relationship.
8. When they don’t care about their new partner
An overlapping relationship also fails when the overlapper doesn’t care about their new partner. They might not even show any interest in getting to know more about their new partner or even bonding together. All they care about is getting a substitute before ending their relationship.
The relationship eventually fades away when they realize they are not really into their new partner. But are only together because they don’t want to be alone. This is another reason why overlapping relationships don’t last.
Overlapping relationships end for several reasons, some of which are listed above. Yes, some overlapping relationships do work out in rare cases, but it is usually because both parties reach an agreement and were probably open with each other from the beginning.
However, overlapping relationships are unhealthy. They will only toll your emotions and are not advisable for anyone interested in maintaining their sanity. Having looked at some of the reasons why overlapping relationships don’t last, let us see the downsides of overlapping relationships.
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Why You Shouldn’t Get Into Overlapping Relationships
Here are the downsides of getting into an overlapping relationship;
1. Emotional damages
Imagine how your new partner will feel when they find out you are only using them as a potential substitute for your current partner. It will hurt them especially if he/she already has feelings for you. Aside from that, imagine how your current partner would react when they realize you are cheating on the relationship. Even though the relationship might be on the verge of ending, being cheated on is painful.
No matter how you look at it, getting into an overlapping relationship is unhealthy and can cause emotional damage to all the people involved.
2. Lack of codependency
Your fear of being single is due to a lack of codependency which you are expected to work on. You shouldn’t depend on other people to survive, but work on yourself and learn to survive outside a relationship.
You should accept that the connection in your relationship is no longer there, end the relationship, and work on getting over your ex before entering a new relationship.
3. You don’t heal from a failed relationship trauma
You are denying yourself the chance of ever healing from the traumas of your ending relationship if you leave your previous relationship for another just because you don’t want to be alone.
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Going into a relationship while still dwelling on the old relationship will only lead to another failed relationship. You’ll never really be in a healthy relationship until you decide to work on yourself. Then give yourself the chance to heal.
4. It destroys your reputation
An overlapping relationship is the same as cheating on your old partner. This is because you never really ended the relationship before jumping into a new one. Overlapping relationships ruin your relationship, it shows you off as a cheat, uncommitted, and unloyal person.
It is sad to be alone after being in a relationship for a long time, but that’s understandable. But you shouldn’t try to get a new partner before ending your failing relationship, rather than own up to the situation and make the right decisions.
Conclusion
Some people usually find it hard to accept that their relationship is on the verge of ending. The fear of being alone can make them want to get into an overlapping relationship to find a substitute for their partner. But the question is “Do overlapping relationships last?” No, they don’t. So the best way to deal with an ending relationship is to own the situation. Then work on becoming a better person to avoid making the same mistakes you made in your previous relationship.
