A friend of mine once told me about a girl he liked and how he wanted to take her out on a date. I helped him connect with the girl, and in no time, he asked her out, and she agreed to meet him. Long story short, the girl didn’t show up. He came back to me after and said, “she flaked. Should I try again?”
Whether you should try again after she flaked is totally dependent on your situation. If it’s the first date and you’re not sure if she’s actually interested, then I would say no. However, if it’s a second or third date and you have a good rapport with her, then I would definitely reschedule.
Also, if you hadn’t even started talking yet, then there’s no reason to reschedule because the conversation never started. If you had started talking but not enough for her to get to know you well enough to decide whether she wants to meet up again or not, go ahead and reschedule.
If it’s a first date, don’t push too hard because there may be reasons why she didn’t show up or couldn’t make it that night. Maybe something came up at work, or maybe she got stuck somewhere because of traffic or an accident on the road that required her to wait longer than expected before moving again. There could be many reasons why things didn’t go as planned, so don’t take away from what could be a great future friendship.
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Why Do Girls Flake?
Here are some common reasons why girls flake:
1. She didn’t think you were powerful and masculine enough
If you’re a man looking for women, it helps to know that women are looking for power. Women want someone confident, strong, and masculine. In other words, they don’t want to be with a man who is afraid of taking the lead or can’t take care of them. You need to be able to protect her if she needs protecting. She will see you as powerful and masculine if you have these traits.
2. Your vibe wasn’t authentic
This can result from inauthentic vibes, a lack of self-awareness, or nervousness. Being yourself is much more attractive than someone else. She’ll notice and feel disconnected from you if you’re not feeling authentic in your interactions with women. She may even think that you’re putting on an act or hiding something about yourself because when we hide our true selves from others, they pick up on those signals easily and become suspicious of us as a result.
3. You tried to convince her too much
The most common reason for flaking is that you’re trying too hard. She won’t know if you’re congruent with your words and actions, so she’ll lose interest in getting to know you better.
Being authentic means being real. It means avoiding the urge to pretend to be someone else just because that person may seem more attractive or interesting than who you really are.
If you want to make a great impression on women, focus on being yourself instead of trying too hard or doing things that don’t feel natural for you.
4. She was genuinely busy
A girl might flake on you because something came up for her. She might have encountered emergencies that hindered her from honoring your date. This is why you should put a call through first before getting mad at someone for flaking on you.
READ ALSO: Should You Ask a Girl Out Again After Being Rejected?
What to Do When a Girl Flakes on You
It’s easy to become frustrated when a girl flakes on you. However, you must try not to react negatively. At least, not at first. Here are some things you can do when a girl flakes on you:
1. Treat it like it’s not a big deal
The first step to dealing with a flake is not taking it personally. When you feel like someone has let you down, it’s easy to become angry or upset. But when you’ve been rejected, the last thing you want is for her to feel bad about herself. Don’t get jealous if she flakes on other guys; don’t worry about what she’s doing with your competition, and don’t think that this means there’s something wrong with you.
If your date flakes on you, again and again, ask yourself how much time and energy you are going into being disappointed by her actions. If she flakes once or twice, then move on without letting it bother you too much.
2. React in a non-needy way
When a girl flakes on you, don’t make it about you. Don’t be overly apologetic or defensive. Don’t overreact by being needy, texting her more than she’s comfortable with, or even worse: making the flaking incident into a personal attack on your character. The best thing to do when a girl flake is simply to move on.
3. Consider why she might have flaked
When you get a text on the day of your date saying, “Sorry, I’m not feeling well and won’t be able to make it,” there are many possible reasons why this happened.
If she’s just being polite and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you, she’s lost interest, or even if she has changed her mind. It may have been because something came up that made her think twice about meeting up with you. Maybe an ex appeared at her door, or something else went wrong in her life.
4. Stay warm and present
When a girl flakes on you, it’s natural to feel rejected and angry. But don’t let those feelings get the best of you. You can do everything right and still not get a date, and she might have no idea why she’s flaking in the first place.
So what should you do? How can you turn things around? The key is to stay present with your emotions and remain warm and friendly when interacting with her. If she’s busy or has plans that keep her from meeting up with you, be respectful of that, so she doesn’t feel bad about having to cancel last minute.
But suppose she wants something more serious than just hooking up. In that case, this could be an opportunity for both of you to practice being vulnerable in hopes that communication will become easier down the road.
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How to Prevent Flakes
I know that flaking can be painful, so I advise my friends to avoid it at all cost, and here are some of the tips I gave them:
- Pick dates that are easy and convenient
- Try to be as flexible as possible
- Always have a backup plan
- Be simple and direct in your run-up to the date
1. Pick dates that are easy and convenient
When picking a date, it’s important to remember that the most important thing is that you have fun. You should pick dates that are easy and convenient for you. You should pick dates that don’t require much planning, money, time, or effort.
2. Try to be as flexible as possible
A great way to prevent flakes is to be as flexible as possible. They’re more likely to stay in touch with you if they know that you understand that life happens and that you are willing to help them out when they need it.
One way this can be done is by making sure your plans are not too rigid in the first place. If a date or time is set for something, try your best not to make any other plans for the same day or time. Don’t have any appointments on days where you are supposed to meet up with someone unless those are absolutely necessary.
If the person cancels on you last minute for whatever reason, don’t take it personally. It’s just life happening: sometimes people have reasons why they can’t do certain things at certain times, and that’s okay.
3. Always have a backup plan
If your date cancels, you’ll be left with time to kill, and no one likes wasting time. If the weather is bad or if you get sick, that’s another thing that can make even the most exciting plans fall through. It’s always good to have an idea of what else you could do in case something like this happens. You can’t just sit around feeling sorry for yourself all day. In order to avoid flakes at all costs, it’s important to have plenty of options on hand.
4. Be simple and direct in your run-up to the date
The first step to preventing flakes is to be direct and simple in your run-up to the date. Be clear about your expectations, what you want to achieve from the date, and any misunderstandings that may have arisen in the initial exchange of messages.
Asking someone out on a date is an exciting moment for many people. However, it can also feel awkward or stressful if it’s not done correctly. Make sure there are no miscommunications by being clear about what you expect from them.
Final Thoughts
To end this article, I’ll tell you the same thing I tell all my male friends, ’keep calm.’ You can do almost nothing about it if a girl flakes you. Also, if you try again too soon, you may come across as a needy guy. Take your time before trying again if you want to.
