Did you split up with your ex but his stuff is still in your apartment? If Yes, you might be wondering why hasn’t he come to get his belongings.
For several sad reasons, break-ups can be very difficult to deal with. Especially when an ex leaves some of his belongings behind and doesn’t come to get or even ask for them. You begin to wonder and ask questions about why he is doing that.
In this blog, I will be providing five (5) probable answers to “Why won’t my ex come to get his stuff?” after a breakup as well as what you can do about it. Continue reading to find the right answers in case you find yourself on this side of the pond.
Why Do Some Exes Leave Their Belongings Behind?
Just before we get into the talk of the reasons why an ex might not come to get his stuff after breaking up with you, I believe it is imperative for you to know some of the triggers that make some exes leave stuff behind after a breakup.
Knowing this will give you an insight as to your ex’s reason for acting that way. Here are three reasons why some exes leave their stuff behind.
1. They are trying to protect their mental health
If your ex is someone that suffers from mental health issues, they will probably find it very difficult to engage with you after the breakup. As a result, even though some of their stuff is still in your possession of which they are aware, they decide to ignore it and let it go.
They leave you with the decision of doing whatever you want with their stuff. They do this to avoid speaking with you in order to protect their mental health.
2. They are emotionally consumed with grief that they care little about their belongings
One major issue with break-ups is that it causes emotional distress for the persons involved. Therefore, an ex might require time to process what just happen and what will be the new order of things.
Some exes even get emotionally consumed with grief in all forms ranging from depression, denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance. Therefore, there is little chance in their mind to even recollect some stuff they left behind and to think of coming to get them back.
At this point, understanding is required especially if you are the one that initiated the breaking up.
3. They are still in denial of the breakup
When it comes to break-ups in relationships, it takes some people a while to come to terms with the decision. Especially, when a person never thought that the relationship won’t work out.
Hence, they are in denial of the break-up for a long while which might be weeks, months, or even years.
READ MORE: Why Do Guys Avoid Their Ex?
5 Possible Reasons Your Ex Won’t Come Get His Stuff
To answer your troubling question as to why won’t our ex come to get their stuff back from you or your place? You must understand that the last thing on the mind of most people after most break-up cases is getting their stuff back from their ex’s house and moving on with their lives.
There are several probable reasons for them behaving like that, probably expecting a possibility of restitution and reconnecting or they care too little about their stuff or they want a clean break-up from you. Here are five probable reasons why your ex does not want to come to get his stuff.
1. Your ex wants a clean break-up (wants to completely cut ties with you)
When an ex does not want to contact you anymore because they don’t want to have anything to do with you again, they completely let go of some of their belongings at your place and don’t come or even ask about it.
Therefore, they believe that blocking you on all platforms: calls, messages, and social media to the extent of cutting their losses which means leaving their valuable stuff behind. They are letting you know that they are completely done with you and want to cut all ties with you.
2. Your ex is waiting for you to contact them to come to get their stuff
This is the most common scenario that happens after most break-ups. Many exes are aware that they left some of their belongings behind but are too egoist and arrogant to come to get them back without you asking them to.
They feel coming back for their stuff without you asking makes them weak and inferior in front of you. For them, they regard their ego more highly than any other feeling.
3. Your ex sees a possibility of reconciliation or a patch-on
Most exes do leave stuff behind hoping for a reconciliation. They purposely leave stuff behind and don’t come to get them based on a false hope that if they do so, both of you might be able to settle and patch things up for a reconnection back.
In some cases, exes believe that you will try to communicate with them to come get their stuff back, and hence they will get a chance to talk to you and apologize for their wrongs. They will try to find justification for their mistakes and errors and promise not to ever hurt you.
Although this might be a silly approach, it will work if you truly love them and can’t wait to have them back in your life.
4. Your ex is being mischievous and malevolent
Some exes are so malicious in their ways that they intentionally leave their stuff behind in their ex-partner’s houses or offices. They feel like you still belong to them even though you have broken up with them.
In this case, they do not ask for their stuff back or even come get it or won’t allow you to come to drop their stuff off to them because they feel like frustrating you by marking their territory with you.
They make you feel obligated to hold on to their stuff making it difficult for you to move on and start a new relationship with another person.
5. Your ex has forgotten about his stuff
Often at times, we care too much about things and assume there is always a motive behind a behavior when truthfully there isn’t.
Some exes might have probably forgotten about their stuff at your place that they become completely unbothered about it such that they do not come to get it. Especially when the stuff is something they can easily buy and replace.
What to Do About Your Ex Not Coming to Get His Stuff?
If you are someone really bothered by your ex’s stuff presence at your place and want it out by all means and want to do something about it. There are ways to go about getting their stuff out depending on your break-up situation. Here are ways to go about getting your ex to get their stuff back from you.
1. Contact a mutual friend or his family member to come to get his stuff
If your ex does not want to speak to you again, you can ask a mutual friend or family member of his to assist in getting his stuff to him. You can arrange with this person to act as a middleman in collecting his stuff from you and giving it to him.
2. Make the first move to call him to come to get his stuff
Another way to attempt to get him to come to get his stuff is to contact him to do so. Yes, this may be a bit difficult to do.
Some exes might see this as an opportunity to get you into conversations that has nothing to do with their stuff.
The best thing to do is to ignore that and bring the conversation back to the subject matter which is him coming to get his stuff. To avoid unnecessary entanglements, you can suggest sending his stuff over to him or leaving it at a friend’s house.
3. Give him an ultimatum to come to get his stuff
If you see that your ex is trying to play around with you and your feelings, put your foot down and give him an ultimatum and time frame to come to collect his stuff. Stating what you will do if he doesn’t.
4. Throw his stuff out
It is within your legal right to discard and remove any belongings that don’t belong to you from your place. However, you should try to be understanding in this case especially when the stuff is something valuable to your ex-partner.
Nevertheless, you may have to resort to this option if all the aforementioned steps seem abortive.
Break-ups are never easy to deal with and can be challenging especially if it is a relationship that lasted a long time or one where you were living together.
When one party doesn’t want the relationship to end, personal property can lead to numerous disputes and frustrations. As it might be the strategy of your ex to avoid getting their stuff because they aren’t ready to let go. This can quickly become tiresome when you want to move on and want them to come to get their stuff out.
Nevertheless, you must maintain your composure and patience throughout the procedure, refrain from arguments, and, if necessary, involve a family member or trusted friend to help you reach a peaceful resolution on the issue.